Illogical
by Lic94
Summary: Sherlock Holmes didn't know his own limits. So when he spent five whole days without sleep, his mind tricks him. Fortunately, John is there to take care of him. The big problem arrives when Sherlock's mouth began to speak on his own…


" ..John?" Sherlock asked from the couch, sounding vague, far away.

John turned around at the sound of Sherlock's voice. "Yes?"

"Are you quite sure you're in the room?" Sherlock asked, staring at the ceiling.

John lifted an eyebrow, staring at Sherlock from the kitchen door. "I am not that stupid, Sherlock"

"What?" Sherlock asked, frowning before moving around to stare at John, blinking a few times.

John couldnt be more lost. "Sherlock, are you high?", he asked, coming to Sherlocl

Sherlock blinked, watching John move. "..Technically or voluntarily?"

John's mouth openned and closed a few times before finally speaking. "I dont care of how, Sherlock. Are you?", he repeated, his anger increasing as time went by

"By proxy. I haven't really taken anything, but by proxy .." Sherlock said, lying back down, watching the room shiver.

John covered Sherlock with a blancket, checking his temperature. He was warm, far too much, even if he shivered. "Seriously?"

"..Hm. Sleep deprivation. Am hallucinating." Sherlock said, curling to move onto his side and watching John stir the air.

"Sherlock, even if you dont believe it, you actually /are/ human, you know? You have to sleep and eat.", John repeated, like everyday. "Come on, ill get you to your room"

"No, no, no not moving." Sherlock said, closing his eyes and pulling the blanket around his shivering form.

"Sherlock...", John trailed off. "Come on, you will be better there". Could he carry Sherlock to his room? It wasnt really that far away...

"No." Sherlock said, hiding his head under the blankets. "Couch works." he muttered, colours flicking through his head weirdly.

"Fine", John stated. Well, lets see if I am still in shape, he thought. He bent down, taking Sherlock into his arms and lifting him up. "God, you are heavy"

"God, John I don't know how to swim .." Sherlock muttered against the other, curling into John.

"Dont worry", John muttered. He didnt even want to imagine what the hell was going on in Sherlock's head. With difficulty, he walked into Sherlock room and dropped him to the bed. After taking off his shoes, he helped him under the covers

Sherlock struggled against the covers, tangling himself in them before scowling at them, thoroughly confused. "John, John John?"

"Yes, Sherlock?", John sighed in annoyance.

Sherlock caught the tone. Christ, he'd done something wrong. "Nevermind." he said quietly, breathing picking up a bit.

After standing a whole minute beside Sherlock's bed, John sighed. What could be loose? "What is it, Sherlock?"

"I apologise for talking, is very bad of me to do .." Sherlock said, fiddling with the covers.

Sherlock, apologising? Seriously? "You always talk, it is not a big deal, really", he said, trying to understand Sherlock

"No, no I'll end up talking about .. non logical things." Sherlock said, half hiding under the covers again.

John couldnt help laughing. Drugged Sherlock was quite funny. "Not everything has to be logical", he reasoned, sitting beside Sherlock. "Stop fidgetting"

"Does so." Sherlock said, glancing over to John after burrowing through the covers.

John stared at Sherlock's lost eyes. "No, it really doesnt", he whispered.

"Does .. I shouldn't be illogical ... Why this is a bad thing. Should hide." Sherlock said, keeping eye contact through wavering gaze.

John frowned, not really following. "What thing, Sherlock? Why do you have to hide?"

"Being illogical, being emotive ... I don't want to be confused." Sherlock said, sounding momentarily like he was about to cry.

"Emotive...", John whispered to himself. Was Sherlock going to breakdown? "Sherlock, listen to me. It's okay. Calm down. You can talk to me. You wont get confused. Ok?"

Sherlock kept his gaze down, shaking now and running his hands across the covers. "No, no, no ... I don't like talking about those things." Sherlock said, rocking back and forth slightly.

John leanned down, putting a hand at both sides of Sherlock, looking down at him. "Look at me, Sherlock. You know you can tell me anything"

Sherlock doesn't look up. "I don't want to talk about things.." he felt ill now, clutching at the covers. Room was spinning.

"Sherlock, calm down", John repeated with more force now. He took Sherlock's hand with his own. "Look at me. Come on", he whispered

Sherlock was breathing too quickly, considering escaping the room. Outside, outside would be good,

"Come on", John kept repeating. He ran a hand into Sherlock's dark curls, trying to calm him down. Slowly, he lay down, embracing Sherlock

Sherlock struggled against John for a good few minutes, instinct- touch was always worrying- but after a while he stopped, lying still and concentrating on John's hand in his hair. "Safe?"

"Yes, Sherlock. I'll keep you save", John muttered, finally happy that Sherlock had stopped struggling. He kept the movement of his hand as he draw back, looking down at him. "You want to tell me now?"

"What-what do you want me to talk about?" he said quietly, pushing his head into John's hand.

John caressed Sherlock scalp. "About what you are afraid of"

Sherlock shut his eyes. "The black hole and the click in space."

John wasnt sure if Sherlock was avoiding the question or he was really dizzy. "And what about sentiment? You said you dont like to talk about that thing"

"..Yes, sentiment is bad as well. But the black hole click in is more relevant .." Sherlock said vaguely.

"No, its not". Now John was quite sure Sherlock was trying to scape. "Come on, Sherlock, tell me. You are being... emotive?", he asked, using Sherlock's word

"No, no the science breaks my emotive- but yes, right now I am being emotive .." Sherlock said, curling into himself, unsure how to explain himself.

Sherlock was avoiding his gaze again. Damm it. John tugged at his curls slightly, trying to turn his head to him. "With who?"

"Emotive in regards to you .." Sherlock said quietly, drifting.

John stared at Sherlock, unable to breath for a second. Had he heard correctly? Could he mean...? /Dont get your hopes up, Watson/. "Thats normal. We are friends, righ?"

"No,no,no,no,no .." Sherlock said, coming slightly closer to crying. God, he was an idiot.

Oh, bad move, Watson. John tried to slow down his breathing. He caressed Sherlock cheek. "Then what is it, Sherlock? I cant know everything like you do", he said in a soft tone. He didnt want to scare Sherlock away

"..John, you wont go away, correct, correct?" Sherlock asked, half untangling himself to look over to John.

John smiled. "I am not going anywhere", he said seriously, trying to reassure Sherlock.

"..Think I might be in love with you .." Sherlock said, really, really vaguely, shutting his eyes and drifting.

John stopped breathing right there. He might?! He couldnt go to sleep after saying that. He leanned back down onto Sherlock, their lips an inch away. "I might as well", he breathed, finally leanning down, kissing Sherlock softly

Sherlock kissed him back, so timidly- a child in these matters- his hand went to John's wrist, taking the doctor's pulse. Slight smile. It helped.

John didnt even noticed Sherlock taking his pulse. His attention was on Sherlock's lips completely. God, that was even better than he had thought. Using his hand in Sherlock's hair, John deepenned the kiss, pulling Sherlock into him

Sherlock's shoulders relaxed as John deepened the kiss, the detective responding- even in his vague state this was a beautiful thing. "..We don't .. The 'might' isn't needed ,," Sherlock said between kisses, keeping his hand to John's wrist.

John groaned softly. "I love you, Sherlock", he muttered against Sherlocks lips. He was about to slide under the covers when he remembered... "Sherlock, we should stop", he said, drawing back. Sherlock was drugged and he was taking advantage of him. Fuck

Sherlock blinked, confused. "Why? did I do something wrong?" he asked, watching John.

"No, no, no", John said quickly, seeing the hurt in Sherlock eyes. "It's just that... you are not yourself completely. You have to sleep"

"..But ... I want to see what happens if I stay awake." he said, his hand tightening on John's wrist.

John chuckled softly. "I'll be here when you wake up. I am not going to take advantage of you, Sherlock"

"I'm .. I'm ok .." Sherlock said, dizzy slightly and moving to lean against John.

"Sherlock..". God, this was hard. He wanted so bad to give Sherlock what he was asking for... but it wasnt the right thing. "You are not", he said.

"Am ok. It's fine John, I can think ... That's all that matters." Sherlock said, running his hand across John's wrist.

John watched Sherlock's hand, caressing him back. "Sherlock, you wont remember anything tomorrow. Really, you have to sleep. I can lay down with you if you want?"

"Do that. But I will remember, room isn't spinning as much now." Sherlock said, pulling John down beside him.

John slipped under the covers, hugging Sherlock. He really hoped Sherlock was right. Lifting his head, he gave Sherlock a peck

Sherlock smiled at John, kissing him back, slowly before breaking away looking over to the doctor. "..Do you want me to do something ..?"

When had John got so lucky? He smiled sweetly at Sherlock. "Its okay. I want you to sleep"

"..Hard to sleep when .." Sherlock said, drifting more so, shutting his eyes and curling against John.

John didnt know if he should ask Sherlock to elaborate or let him sleep. "When?", he asked finally

" ..I ..When I'm hypotheisising about you" Sherlock said quietly, smiling lightly.

John blushed, hard. He was thankfull the room was dark enough so Sherlock wouldnt see. "Really? And what exactly are the hypotheses?", he asked, far to curious to sleep now

" ..Wondering what it would feel like- I haven't really .. Not properly. I'm also interested in your reactions..."

Oh. So Sherlock was really a virgin. John had thought about it, but he hadnt been sure. "It will feel awesome", he whispered, giving Sherlock another peck

"..Hasn't been consensual ... It wont be bad with you though?" Sherlock asked, opening his eyes and looking over to John with exhaustion.

John's mouth fell. He even sat up in the bed, looking down at Sherlock with concern. "You...? You were... raped?", John breathed. He was the one about to faint now

Sherlock nodded numbly, shutting his eyes again. "..It's fine John, I was young. Barely remember."

My God. John was about to ask who was it, so he could kill him. But it wasnt time for that now. He came closer to Sherlock. "Look at me. I would never, EVER, make something that you dont want me to. Okay?"

Sherlock nodded. "I know John, it's ok .." The detective said, before kissing John's hand.

John kissed Sherlock sweetly, trying to hold back the tears. No, it was not ok. He would take care of Sherlock. "Go to sleep, baby"

"Sleep .." Sherlock muttered, before said concept darkened his vision and relaxed him, breathing falling to deep and slow rather quickly, paradoxically feeling safe with John, regardless of what he had just confessed.

The next morning, John awoke with a start. Why was he in Sherlock's room? ... Oh. He remembered now, all the conversation from yesterday. He looked down at Sherlock. He seemed so... pacefull.

peacefull*

Sherlock stirred, opening his pale blue eyes and looking up at John. "Hello.." he said slowly, perceptions clicking back to something more normal. He remembered last night, he knew he ha told John he loved him, and he had told- no, surely not? He looked up to the doctor, trying to judge reaction.

"Its okay", John said, knowing what was going on in Sherlocks mind. "Are you better?"

"No longer hallucinating." Sherlock said, watching John, his hand inching towards the other's wrist again, remembering how safe that felt last night.

John let Sherlock take his hand. "Good. You... do you remember yesterday?"

"I remember yesterday .. And yes, I still love you"

John smiled at that. "And I love you", he breathed, kissing Sherlock again

Sherlock kissed John back, smiling. He still felt a tad weak, but apart from that he felt fine. He was glad of John, so, so glad of John.

John caressed Sherlock's stomach. He remembered the last bit of conversation... but he didnt want to talk about that right now. "Mmm Sherlock"

"Yes?" Sherlock asked, pushing himself slightly closer to John.

"Mmm..", John didnt know how to continue. God, he was supossed to be the experienced one! "..Do you want me to do something?", he said, repeating Sherlock's words from last night

"This really isn't my area, I would prefer if you .. took the lead as-as it were." Sherlock said, his breathing slightly quickened. He was nervous, but - He did want this.

"I dont want to force you", John admitted.

"..I'll say stop if you go too far, or if I panic or something .. But, you said it wouldn't hurt?" Sherlock said, slight nerves showing through his voice at the word 'hurt'

"God, no, Sherlock. It wont hurt. Just... relax, ok? Its just me", John said, capturing Sherlock's lips with his own.

"..Safe .." Sherlock said, kissing John back and relaxing his shoulders, keeping a hand to John's wrist- pulse beat, steadying.

"Yes", John whispered. He began slowly, caressing Sherlock over the clothes. He couldnt help sliping a hand under Sherlock's shirt, though. "You are so soft"

Sherlock shivered slightly at the touch- the traces of John's fingers echoing around his being. "..I-I'm sorry should I be doing something? What's the-the protocol?" he asked, suddenly worried that he was meant to be doing something for John.

"Just relax. And stop me if it is too much", John said, kissing Sherlock's neck. He ran his hand up and down Sherlock's back. "Is this ok?"

Sherlock nodded, hissing slightly under his breath and shivering again as John did that, low, un-understandable subtle coiled spring starting slightly to Sherlock's perception.

John moved his hand to Sherlock's stomach now, rubbing the skin there. His lips moved back up to Sherlock's

Sherlock kissed him back with enthusiasm, opening John's mouth and exploring, his tongue slick against the shocking warmth of the other's mouth, shivering underneath him.

God, Sherlock was a quick learner. John moaned softly, his hand traveling lower onto Sherlock's hips

Sharp shock of the coiled spring feeling, Sherlock's hand tightening slightly at John's wrist. He mirrored John's moan against the doctor's lips, pulling John closer, pushing his hips up against the other.

"My... Sherlock..", John rolled Sherlock onto his back, laying on top of him. Still kissing him, he grinned his hips against Sherlock, repressing another moan

Sherlock took a breath, repeating over and over in his head that this was John. Ergo everything would be fine. "..Everything is safe yes, you wont .. Nothing bad?" Sherlock said, mostly to reassure himself, he knew John never would, not in a million years.

"Ever. Keep your eyes on me, Sherlock", he breathed. "Im stopping whenever you ask".

Sherlock opened his eyes, looking over to John. "I'll keep my eyes on you." he said, nodding once.

Still with his eyes openned, John leanned down to kiss Sherlock, looking at him right in the eyes. It was the most intense thing John had ever done. Drawing back, he thrust into Sherlock again

Sherlock's coiled spring feeling was now shocking at his being periodically. "..John ..I .." he didn't quite know to finish that sentence, but he thrust against John before snaking his hand underneath the (deftly undone) buttons and fly of his jeans, grasping him through the thin fabric of his undergarments. Automatic action.

"My GOD", John almost screamed, breathing fast. He moaned as Sherlock touched him. He slided a hand into Sherlock's pants too, slowly

Sherlock moaned under his breath, his breathing picking up "..God, John .." he said breathlessly, thrusting into John's hand.

"mmm...", John couldnt stop murmuring. It was so.. perfect. But he wouldnt last long if they kept this up. "Sherlock.. Sherlock, let me try something"

"Yes, yes .. of course .." Sherlock said, shutting his eyes and putting his head back, exposing his neck, tendons.

John kissed Sherlock's neck slightly and then he descended himself untill his face was in level with Sherlock's hips. He brought down the pants, reveling Sherlock's perfect member, his mouth watering. Shyly, he gave an experimental lick of the head

Sherlock shuddered "O-Oh God John .." he said, breathing picking right up.

Encouraged by Sherlock's reaction, John took all of him into his mouth, sucking slightly and going back up

"..Jesus .. John .." Sherlock said, trying to remember to keep breathing, the coiled spring feeling spiking, building.

John moaned around Sherlock. "Taste so good...", he muttered. He couldnt stop. He knew Sherlock wasnt going to last long, though.

He wouldn't. Sherlock was shaking, but trying to not- he didn't want this to be over too quickly and John ..The spiking building feeling was rising, like a wave or an cliff, the detective's hips bucked without thought, he hated himself for being so close.

"Let it go, Sherlock", John said, deepthroating Sherlock this time. He ran his hands up and down Sherlock's sides

"..Christ John!" Sherlock cried out, buckling as the rising just simply took him, ejecting what he had into the back of John's throat and shuddering, his hand at the back of John's head as the sensation tore through him,

Mmmm, god, John thought, unable to say it out loud. He sucked Sherlock till he finished, going back up again to kiss him on the mouth. "That didnt hurt, right?"

Sherlock shook his head, breathing calming slightly. "..You.." he said after the kiss, his hands to John's member, violinist fingers dexterous.

"God... you dont have to do anything if you dont want to...", he said, though his body betrayed him. He moaned, loudly, thrusting into Sherlocks hand

"..Do- do you have lubricant?" Sherlock asked, looking over to John.

"Yes but...", John looked into Sherlock's eyes. "Are you sure?"

Sherlock nodded, pupils blown from the previous. "I want you inside of me, an I want to see if we can ... achieve at the same time."

"God, Sherlock". If he kept talking like that, John wouldnt last longer, either. He reached for the lube in his drawer, spreeding some onto his fingers. Staring into Sherlock's eyes, he slowly pushed a finger in

Sherlock's breathing upped again, his eyelids fluttering slightly. "..Yes, this seems like a very good idea .." Sherlock said, his member twitching slightly even from that before the detective closed his fingers around it, starting slowly.

John moaned just by the sight in front of him. "Look at me", he repeated as he added a second finger, streching him

Sherlock moaned softly before looking over to John, locking eye contact ".. God, John .." he said, slightly half smile, but sincere.

John returned the smirk, biting on his lower lip. After a few minutes, he finished preparing Sherlock. Taking the lube again, he spread some onto his hard on, looking at Sherlock for permission

Sherlock nodded, speeding the movement of his hand slightly. "Do, do you want me kneeling?" he asked, looking to John,

"Anything you want, Sherlock. But... I would want to see your face", John asked

"Then as we are .." Sherlock said, breathing quickening at the very thought of John, /John/ inside of him.

"I'll go slow", John said, as he began to push in, kissing Sherlock

Sherlock moaned softly,, relaxing into John after the initial tension. There were colours in the detective's vision and he matched the movement of his hand to John's movements, his legs were shaking- in fact, his entirely was trembling. £..John .." said breathlessly, moving his hips back and fourth to facilitate.

"Sherlock...". God. He began to thrust into him slowly, never breaking eye contact. He sat up, taking Sherlock's member into his hand

Sherlock arched his back sightly in response to that. Pleasure. "..You were right, this- no pain." Sherlock said, utterly breathless now.

John smiled, moaning softly. "Never, baby", he said, his movement speeding up. "Mmm... Sherlock..."

"Oh Fuck John .." Sherlock said, tensing slightly, precum evident beading on the head of his member. "Fuck John, you .. Why haven't we done this before?"

"I never thought... god... that you were... ngh.. interested", John managed between breaths. He ran his thumb over the head, spreading the precum with his fingers

Sherlock arched his back slightly again, breath hitching "..John, you .. John .." sod coherence. He moved his hips back and forth again, speeding the motion.

John's thrust became erratic, now. His hand moved up and down fast. "Sherlock... almost there..."

"Y-Yes .. I .. John, Yes," Sherlock said, approaching quickly, tensing and untensing around John's member, shaking, breathing very quickly.

"God... yes... Sher-Sherlock", John finally screamed, emptying himself into Sherlock

Sherlock also screamed, properly so, ejaculating into John's hand before falling limp onto the bedspread, breathing shaky, slowing haltingly.

John collapsed onto Sherlock, breathing deep. "I love you, Sherlock"

"I love you too John .."


End file.
